Only fools are satisfied.

If you haven't noticed by reading the titles of each of my blog posts, I can find a song for any situation. Each title is a different song lyric that relates to my current mood and situation. Yet, recently, with the absence of my laptop and iPod, I've kind of been music-less, which depresses me, since I always have my music playing. It sort of helps me figure out how I'm feeling.

Since times have been so stressful lately, my music would really help. It's a safety blanket for me, a comfort zone. Yet, what scared me for a while is that I couldn't think of a song that described what I've been going through.

I had an illuminating talk with my Mom the other day. I've been pretty down lately, and hearing her voice on the phone made me break down. My mother has the most comforting, loving, and supportive voice. Her voice can embrace me like a perfect warm hug, and make me feel home again. She also knows the perfect things to say at the perfect times. She gave me lots of advice that night, but one thing really stood out to me. All summer, as most of you know, I worked constantly. I hardly had any down time, and was always moving. My parents were supportive of this. They pushed me to get a job almost the second I got home, and liked the fact that I was constantly busy. I realized that although I was exhausted most of the time and sometimes resented going to work, I LIKED always being busy. Coming to school, I've finally gotten lots of down time. I think that this has confused me, and made me feel lonely and a little worthless, since I'm not always moving. I told my mom this, and she told me not to busy myself and fill my time up with activities, but to actually RELAX for a while, and try to enjoy the down time, the relaxation. It's funny, because I wasn't expecting that advice. She actually told me it was okay to sleep in until 12 every once in a while! I've been putting myself down so much, thinking I have no friends, no plans, no life, when I could just be EMBRACING the solitude for a little while. Now that I've started working at Abercrombie & Fitch again, that alone time is going to lessen and lessen, so I need to soak it up! It's a time for reflection and thought, and helps me look at myself in a different way, instead of distracting myself with day to day activities.

After having my sob session with my mom, I spent a few more hours alone, watching my favorite TV shows, catching up with some friends online, and just relaxing, and I actually enjoyed it. Then, after my roommate got home, we caught up, and watched a movie. The song at end of that movie gave me the lyrics I was looking for, it was the perfect song for the way I was feeling. I'm not going to lie, I actually kind of thanked God a little bit for sending me that song, it was a nice reminder that SOMEONE out there, at least, Billy Joel, understood how I was feeling. So thanks Billy (Mom too!).

Vienna- Billy Joel.

Slow down you crazy child

You're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart tell me why

Are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?

You better cool it off before you burn it out

You got so much to do and only

So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want

Or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be

Before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)

Too bad but it's the life you lead

You're so ahead of yourself

That you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong

You know you can't always see when you're right(you're right)

You got your passion you got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child

Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while

It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two

When will you realize...

Vienna waits for you.

And you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want

Or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you

When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

There are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days.

I miss the fall. One of my friends was telling me how the leaves have started to change back home and I'm going crazy not being there. When I first came down to Miami I didn't think I would miss the four seasons. I'm not a huge fan of winter, and I like the heat, so I thought it'd be awesome! I really realized though how much I love them and miss them. I think the change is so refreshing. Yes, there is the horrible stretch of winter after New Years till March where all you want is the cold to end, but I think I'd rather suffer through that than put up with the heat and humidity all year long.

The fall is the best though. The leaves crunching and blowing in the wind, the crisp cool air, apple picking, layering, etc. I remember last year my friend and I used to buy pumpkin pie to remind us of home, but it just didn't taste the same eating it amongst palm trees and geckos.

Even though I'm not home for my favorite season, there are still things to look forward to! I turn 20 on October 22nd, and Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, is at the end of the month! As October begins, I hope life starts looking up, because right now, I'm still dealing with a lot. My computer's still broken, and my car is still out of commission. I have to keep the faith though! Better times WILL arrive.

Every little thing is gonna be alright.

"Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all." - Julia Child

After watching Julie and Julia last night, and catching up with Mama Kelly on the phone today, I was inspired to finally write again. I realized how much I miss it, and how happy it makes me.

I have to say, I've kind of been through the mill. I'm back in Miami, yes, but for some reason, I'm not sure God wants me to be here since He seemed to do all he could to stop me from getting here. My car broke down multiple times, my purse was stolen, my computer broke, yet I, along with my dear father who accompanied me on the ride down, prevailed.

So now I'm here, in Miami, finally settled in after two or so weeks of classes. My car is still getting fixed, and my computer is still broken, but life is okay. I can't lie though, and I'm not going to try to pretend that everything is peachy keen, because it isn't. I'll be honest with you, I'm not really happy. Content, yes. Having fun, yes. Enjoying certain aspects of being down here, yes. But truly happy with where I am and what I'm doing? No. I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me, not at all, I just have to slowly realize that yes, although I may not be having a spectacular college life experience right now, there is a reason for me to be in Miami again. I haven't quite figured out that reason yet, but I'm trying! As one of my close friends told me a few days ago, there is a purpose for me being here, and I have to believe her. I have to trust that I'm not wasting my time, although sometimes I feel that way.

So, don't pity me! I'm in a beautiful city where I can go to the beach in December, I'm living safely in a huge dorm with one of my absolute best friends, I have a relaxed class schedule that allows me to work at Abercrombie & Fitch again for some extra money, and I'm making a lot of new friends. Now, here are a couple updates and important recent Liz Kelly facts for y'all:

1) I'm currently taking my last term of academics. I only have three classes left in order to get my Associate's degree, so I'm taking Menu Planning and Cost Control (which I like a lot), Nutrition (which I also enjoy, although I plan on cooking fatty French food for the rest of my life), and Environmental Science (which I detest, but hey, I need a science requirement!).

2) For those of you who were wondering, yes I'm planning on transferring next year. I have already started my common application, and it's not even due until March! I have a few schools on my list so far, even though I'm still searching for some more options: Cornell (my top choice), NYU (following in Maggie's footsteps!), McGill, and GW (following in Papa Kelly's! footsteps!). I plan on getting my Bachelor's in business and minoring in journalism, a new development. I'm tinkering with the idea of going into food writing (following my godmother Aunt Nancy's footsteps!). I'm slowly realizing that although I'm going into a field that really none of my family has ever even thought of going into, my family still has such great influence on my career choice. My dad's given me the theatrical, creative and passionate side of cooking that I love so much. My mom has made the writer in me blossom, and more.

3) I am trying as hard as possible to go abroad for my co-op trimester program in the spring! At JWU, you spend one trimester of your sophomore year working in the industry. The school helps set you up with an internship. It can really be anywhere in the United States, but a few people get spots to go abroad. France would be my ultimate destination, but apparently JWU has no co-op positions available there, so I'm trying to get to Italy or maybe Germany! Don't get your hopes up for me readers! It's very competitive and a difficult feat, but after talking to my academic advisor, he told me that I was the perfect candidate, so if I talk to the right people and put the effort in, there's a good chance I could make it! So say some prayers and keep your hopes up!

4) As I said before, I'm living in the same dorm I lived in last year, but in a different room, with different roommates. I share a room with my best friend down here Siobhan, and we have two other roommates, who we're not close with, but are easy to live with. Our room is huge. Siobhan and I share a bedroom, the other two roommates share a bedroom, we have a common area, a balcony, and a kitchen. I'm very lucky to have that much space, since it is rare on college campuses! I start working again at Abercrombie & Fitch next week. You may be wondering, after working in a kitchen all summer and getting experience, why would I ever go back to retail? Well, working in a kitchen is EXTREMELY demanding and tiring and would require my full attention. Because I'm going to school, and also trying to have fun with my friends my last year in Miami, I don't think that I could give a kitchen job the kind of attention it deserves. I figure it is more important for me to focus on school right now, and make some easy money on the side at A&F, rather then be exhausted from being in the kitchen and let my grades slip. It seems like the best idea for now.

Now, for all you fans out there, PLEASE comment! Your comments keep this blog alive! Even if you don't even know me that well, or think I would be confused as to why you're reading this, I thrive on your comments. I know I've said it in the past and failed, I really am going to try to keep writing. Like I said, I want to go into journalism, so this is perfect practice, right? I'm also thinking about starting a side blog, giving reviews of restaurants that I go to and commenting on different foods and ingredients I try or work with. This could be a helpful asset to my resume while applying to schools, and it'd be a fun hobby!

Thanks for reading, all. Happy to be back, it feels good. So, like Julia Child said about cooking, I'm entering into this year in Miami with abandon. I'm abandoning the doubts I had of being down here, the fear I had of failing and not being content, and the contempt and dislike I've had for the area and my school. These have held me back from succeeding and growing, and I'm abandoning them now, for good, and moving on, pushing to change my future for the better.

Soooo the whole thing about posting everyday? Not going to happen, sorry guys. I'm just too busy.

Can't really write now, about to leave for work. In the past two days I worked 24 hours, so I'm absolutely exhausted. Just pushing on until Thursday when I get my mini 4 day vacation down the Cape! I'll write a longer post then.

Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.

On my days off, I have to make a big decision. Do I sleep the day away to catch up on much needed sleep I've been lacking in on days I work? Or do I get up early and make the absolute most of the day, seeing friends I haven't seen, running errands I need to run, or spending time with family. It's quite the difficult decision.

Although I have relaxed a lot this summer during my days off, I think I've done some fun and productive stuff as well! I've gone into the city with one of my best friends, I've gone down the Cape to see another best friend and my grandparents and cousins, I've gone to Newport Beach with my Mom, Rockport and Essex with the family, and more.

I've kind of felt like this summer has been wasted on working, yet I think, although I kind of resent it, that that is what this summer should be about. I'm kind of getting a taste of the real world, what it will be like once I leave school and am working full time. I really feel like I'm growing up, and that both excites me and scares me to death. I've become more and more nostalgic for childhood. I miss finding enough dimes and quarters to walk downtown and buy some candy from the convenience store. I miss summers spent down the Cape where the most work I had to do was hoist up lobster traps and keep my room somewhat clean. I miss weekends spent with my dad, going to movies and on different adventures. I miss lots of things, and that makes me kind of sad.

Yet, I know I need to move on and grow up. Although I cannot do those things now as frequently as I'd like to, they'll still always be a part of my life. I know that I can go down the Cape whenever I want and feel like a kid again. I know that my dad is still up for adventures and trips to the movies, although I'm usually not available to do them, I know that if I REALLY want to, I can walk downtown and buy some candy. These times aren't gone, they're just less frequent. I guess I just need to come to terms with that.

Anyways, in a week I'll be down the Cape celebrating my dad's birthday with my ENTIRE family, and I CANNOT wait. Times with my family are what I treasure most right now. It is sure to be a fantastic day.

Is it so wrong to want rewarding? To want more than is given to you?

Sundays. Once a day of rest. Now, to me, a day of long, endless work.

Sunday is the day I dread each week. My 12 hour work day. I start work at 10, end at 10. This means I have to leave my house around 8:30 and don't get home until around 11:30. LONG DAY.

The other thing I hate about Sundays at work is that it's incredibly slow, and there are hardly any of us on the line in the kitchen. Therefore, when it's slow, it's SLOW. One can only chop so many shallots, blanch so many green beans, make so much mornay sauce. Running out of prep to do in the kitchen is the last thing you want. You look pretty embarrassing standing around doing nothing, and you'll probably wind up on your hands and knees scrubbing various hidden stainless steel that hasn't been cleaned in months. Then, if we suddenly get some business, it gets crazy busy, since like I said, there aren't that many of us. Lots of ups and downs in action, and it's really pretty exhausting.

So, to sum up it all up, Sundays suck. A lot.

Thankfully though, today wasn't too bad. And the one GOOD thing about Sundays is that I have the next two days off! Oh how I love Mondays and Tuesdays :D! Now, sleep, sleep, and more sleep.

Bon nuit, my body hurts.

Just the smell on the summer can make me fall in love

So here I am, back again, in the wonderful world of blogging. Didn't think you'd here from me again on here, huh? Well think again. I'm BACK and better than ever, here to give you an update on what has been going on during my CRAZY summer back home in Massachusetts. Also, at the end of this post, I have a big announcement, so keep reading!

First of all, the famous 25 hour drive home. It was exhausting, really really really really really long, and pretty boring, but with some great tunes, good friends, amazing hospitality, and lots of stops for greasy goodness along the way, I made it. It was actually pretty awesome and rewarding, driving up the east coast. I saw a lot of giant water towers in the shape of fruits and vegetables in the south, along with plenty anti-abortion and other conservative billboards (only in the south...). As I started getting closer to home, in the midst of nothingness, I came upon the Washington Monument! That was pretty much as exciting as it got. I kind of expected to see the ocean, and signs for authentic Carolina BBQ, the Statue of Liberty, a Georgia peach tree....but no. The biggest thing I realized is that there's really not that much of a variation between the United States of Massachusetts and the United States of any other state...it's all America.

After I got home, after less than 24 hours of being there, I was pushed into getting a job. Yes, I grumbled and raged, begging my parents to let me relax just a LITTLE bit longer ("It was 25 HOURS Mom and Dad! 25 HOURS!") Yet, they were relentless, and as much as I hate to admit it, rightly so. Without their push, I probably would not have the amazing job I do today. A few months ago, after hearing about a connection to a restaurant owner that my dad had at work, I called the man and asked about the chances of a 19 year old skinny little culinary school girl with basically NO professional experience of getting a job. He told me to call him when I got back from Miami, so that's exactly what I did. Thankfully enough, I got an interview! I went in to talk to him and after a 3 minute discussion of asking me why I was there, what I hoped to gain from working there, and when I was available, he offered me an opportunity to stage the next day.

For those of you who are less familiar with the crazy culinary world, a "stage" is almost like an audition. It's a chance to work for a day (unpaid of course) in a kitchen to see how you like it, and how they like you. During my stage I basically did prep work all day: peeling shrimp, making homemade pasta, cutting vegetables, etc. At the end of my long day, I anxiously awaited my meeting with the head chef to see if I got the job or not! He once again, asked me when I was free, to which I obviously HAD to reply, "the whole summer, Chef! Whenever you need me, Chef! I can be here every day, Chef!" He also asked me about payment: "ANYTHING Chef, really. Minimum wage? I'm doing this for the experience!" After hearing that he really had no idea what minimum wage was, we settled on a small, yet realistic payment, of which I'm still quite pleased with. Like I told him, and have to keep telling myself, when I feel like I've been working my butt off and not making that much for it, it's about the EXPERIENCE, about getting the chance to work in a real professional kitchen after having absolutely no experience. Chef took a chance on me, and I'm extremely grateful to him for doing so.

ANYWAYS, let me tell you about what I'm doing in my job. First of all, I work 5 days a week, about 40 hours each week. My schedule is always changing as we lose and gain people, so it's pretty hectic. The restaurant is swanky New England style food with a heavy Italian and French influence. It's simple, but very fresh and good quality. My job title, I suppose, would be Garde Manger, which is a classical French term kind of meaning "cold prep," yet I do a lot more than that. I'm kind of on the helper station. I work the fryer to make fries, make salads, plate desserts and cheese plates, shuck a LOT of oysters (I'm becoming a pro!), make fish and chips and classic croque-monsieur and croque-madame (ham and cheese) sandwiches, and whip up milkshakes with our home made ice cream. I also help a lot with making the homemade pasta. As you can see, that is a LOT for someone who has no line experience. It was extremely difficult at first, for a while. Working in a professional kitchen is so different than being at school. You have to learn a whole knew language for doing this, working with as much speed and efficiency as possible, and trying to reserve as much energy as possible to last you through the long days and nights. It's finally sort of starting to click for me, I'm finding the rhythm of the kitchen, which really makes me proud.

The people I work with are amazing. As I expected, I'm the only girl in the kitchen, and the youngest. I also have the least amount of experience. So, pretty much, I have to REALLY hold my own. The guys in the kitchen are all really great, and have treated me with lots of respect. Of course there are lots of crude jokes and teasing, but it's all in good fun, and something I sort of have to be able to get past and shove right back at them. Working in a kitchen has really made me thick-skinned. I feel bad a lot because I'm not quite as fast or perfect as I'd like to be, and sometimes it slows the rest of the team down and they get frustrated with me. I really just hope they understand that I'm doing the absolute best that I can. I get so much help and support from the guys and will really miss them when I go back to school in the fall. My boss is great. Chef is very fair, with a good sense of humor. He's a bit intimidating at first, but has proved himself to me to be a great leader and extremely smart and capable, and I'm learning a lot from him. He treats every member of his staff with respect and treats the restaurant like his baby, keeping it in tip top shape.

So, since I'm working most of the time, I have limited availability to see friends and family. I thought that working so much would keep me from going out with friends and participating in different things, but it turns out that most of my friends are working just as hard as I am. It's really starting to hit me, what growing up feels like. I'm quite nostalgic now for past summers spent at the Cape catching lobsters and clams and helping Grandma with dinner. I even miss sitting at home in Walpole and being bored and sweaty, having nothing to do. I feel like I'm constantly moving, and when I'm not working, I have to make the decision whether to rest or to muster up some strength to spend time with friends and family. This summer has actually helped me grow closer to my family a lot, and I'm spending a lot of time (well, as much time as I CAN) with them, which I love. I kind of thought for a while that this was the worst summer I had ever had, since I was constantly working and hardly making any money. Funny enough though, I'm realizing it's one of the best, because I think I'm growing the most I've ever grown before. I think most people think of summer as a break, as a time to put dreams and ambitions on hold in order to relax and push aside thoughts of work and school. I'm kind of doing the opposite, focusing mainly on work and moving forward to a brighter future. It can be VERY tiring and difficult at times, yes, but I know it will make me a stronger person.

Now, to my announcement. I've decided how much I love to write, and how much I want to keep it as a greatly important part of my life. Also, I know how much the few o you who actually read my blog regularly enjoy it. Therefore, I've decided to try as hard as I can to write a post every single day, at least for the rest of the summer. I cannot promise it will be long and in depth. It might just be a picture or some song lyrics or a few sentences, but you'll get SOMETHING. It also may not always be food or work related, but it will definitely be ME related! I can't promise that I'll have something every day, but I'll try my absolute hardest. I wanna document this summer as best as I can, and this blog helps me do that. If you have any suggestions on stuff I should be posting, let me know in a comment!

Hope you enjoyed this "summer so far sum up!" Keep reading each day for more!

Je t'aime!

Elizabeth (Or, as I'm called at work, ElizabethRose, Blanquita [white girl], or Americana [American girl])