Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Only fools are satisfied.

If you haven't noticed by reading the titles of each of my blog posts, I can find a song for any situation. Each title is a different song lyric that relates to my current mood and situation. Yet, recently, with the absence of my laptop and iPod, I've kind of been music-less, which depresses me, since I always have my music playing. It sort of helps me figure out how I'm feeling.

Since times have been so stressful lately, my music would really help. It's a safety blanket for me, a comfort zone. Yet, what scared me for a while is that I couldn't think of a song that described what I've been going through.

I had an illuminating talk with my Mom the other day. I've been pretty down lately, and hearing her voice on the phone made me break down. My mother has the most comforting, loving, and supportive voice. Her voice can embrace me like a perfect warm hug, and make me feel home again. She also knows the perfect things to say at the perfect times. She gave me lots of advice that night, but one thing really stood out to me. All summer, as most of you know, I worked constantly. I hardly had any down time, and was always moving. My parents were supportive of this. They pushed me to get a job almost the second I got home, and liked the fact that I was constantly busy. I realized that although I was exhausted most of the time and sometimes resented going to work, I LIKED always being busy. Coming to school, I've finally gotten lots of down time. I think that this has confused me, and made me feel lonely and a little worthless, since I'm not always moving. I told my mom this, and she told me not to busy myself and fill my time up with activities, but to actually RELAX for a while, and try to enjoy the down time, the relaxation. It's funny, because I wasn't expecting that advice. She actually told me it was okay to sleep in until 12 every once in a while! I've been putting myself down so much, thinking I have no friends, no plans, no life, when I could just be EMBRACING the solitude for a little while. Now that I've started working at Abercrombie & Fitch again, that alone time is going to lessen and lessen, so I need to soak it up! It's a time for reflection and thought, and helps me look at myself in a different way, instead of distracting myself with day to day activities.

After having my sob session with my mom, I spent a few more hours alone, watching my favorite TV shows, catching up with some friends online, and just relaxing, and I actually enjoyed it. Then, after my roommate got home, we caught up, and watched a movie. The song at end of that movie gave me the lyrics I was looking for, it was the perfect song for the way I was feeling. I'm not going to lie, I actually kind of thanked God a little bit for sending me that song, it was a nice reminder that SOMEONE out there, at least, Billy Joel, understood how I was feeling. So thanks Billy (Mom too!).

Vienna- Billy Joel.

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right(you're right)

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Saturday, September 25, 2010

There are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days.

I miss the fall. One of my friends was telling me how the leaves have started to change back home and I'm going crazy not being there. When I first came down to Miami I didn't think I would miss the four seasons. I'm not a huge fan of winter, and I like the heat, so I thought it'd be awesome! I really realized though how much I love them and miss them. I think the change is so refreshing. Yes, there is the horrible stretch of winter after New Years till March where all you want is the cold to end, but I think I'd rather suffer through that than put up with the heat and humidity all year long.

The fall is the best though. The leaves crunching and blowing in the wind, the crisp cool air, apple picking, layering, etc. I remember last year my friend and I used to buy pumpkin pie to remind us of home, but it just didn't taste the same eating it amongst palm trees and geckos.

Even though I'm not home for my favorite season, there are still things to look forward to! I turn 20 on October 22nd, and Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, is at the end of the month! As October begins, I hope life starts looking up, because right now, I'm still dealing with a lot. My computer's still broken, and my car is still out of commission. I have to keep the faith though! Better times WILL arrive.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Every little thing is gonna be alright.

"Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all." - Julia Child

After watching Julie and Julia last night, and catching up with Mama Kelly on the phone today, I was inspired to finally write again. I realized how much I miss it, and how happy it makes me.

I have to say, I've kind of been through the mill. I'm back in Miami, yes, but for some reason, I'm not sure God wants me to be here since He seemed to do all he could to stop me from getting here. My car broke down multiple times, my purse was stolen, my computer broke, yet I, along with my dear father who accompanied me on the ride down, prevailed.

So now I'm here, in Miami, finally settled in after two or so weeks of classes. My car is still getting fixed, and my computer is still broken, but life is okay. I can't lie though, and I'm not going to try to pretend that everything is peachy keen, because it isn't. I'll be honest with you, I'm not really happy. Content, yes. Having fun, yes. Enjoying certain aspects of being down here, yes. But truly happy with where I am and what I'm doing? No. I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me, not at all, I just have to slowly realize that yes, although I may not be having a spectacular college life experience right now, there is a reason for me to be in Miami again. I haven't quite figured out that reason yet, but I'm trying! As one of my close friends told me a few days ago, there is a purpose for me being here, and I have to believe her. I have to trust that I'm not wasting my time, although sometimes I feel that way.

So, don't pity me! I'm in a beautiful city where I can go to the beach in December, I'm living safely in a huge dorm with one of my absolute best friends, I have a relaxed class schedule that allows me to work at Abercrombie & Fitch again for some extra money, and I'm making a lot of new friends. Now, here are a couple updates and important recent Liz Kelly facts for y'all:

1) I'm currently taking my last term of academics. I only have three classes left in order to get my Associate's degree, so I'm taking Menu Planning and Cost Control (which I like a lot), Nutrition (which I also enjoy, although I plan on cooking fatty French food for the rest of my life), and Environmental Science (which I detest, but hey, I need a science requirement!).

2) For those of you who were wondering, yes I'm planning on transferring next year. I have already started my common application, and it's not even due until March! I have a few schools on my list so far, even though I'm still searching for some more options: Cornell (my top choice), NYU (following in Maggie's footsteps!), McGill, and GW (following in Papa Kelly's! footsteps!). I plan on getting my Bachelor's in business and minoring in journalism, a new development. I'm tinkering with the idea of going into food writing (following my godmother Aunt Nancy's footsteps!). I'm slowly realizing that although I'm going into a field that really none of my family has ever even thought of going into, my family still has such great influence on my career choice. My dad's given me the theatrical, creative and passionate side of cooking that I love so much. My mom has made the writer in me blossom, and more.

3) I am trying as hard as possible to go abroad for my co-op trimester program in the spring! At JWU, you spend one trimester of your sophomore year working in the industry. The school helps set you up with an internship. It can really be anywhere in the United States, but a few people get spots to go abroad. France would be my ultimate destination, but apparently JWU has no co-op positions available there, so I'm trying to get to Italy or maybe Germany! Don't get your hopes up for me readers! It's very competitive and a difficult feat, but after talking to my academic advisor, he told me that I was the perfect candidate, so if I talk to the right people and put the effort in, there's a good chance I could make it! So say some prayers and keep your hopes up!

4) As I said before, I'm living in the same dorm I lived in last year, but in a different room, with different roommates. I share a room with my best friend down here Siobhan, and we have two other roommates, who we're not close with, but are easy to live with. Our room is huge. Siobhan and I share a bedroom, the other two roommates share a bedroom, we have a common area, a balcony, and a kitchen. I'm very lucky to have that much space, since it is rare on college campuses! I start working again at Abercrombie & Fitch next week. You may be wondering, after working in a kitchen all summer and getting experience, why would I ever go back to retail? Well, working in a kitchen is EXTREMELY demanding and tiring and would require my full attention. Because I'm going to school, and also trying to have fun with my friends my last year in Miami, I don't think that I could give a kitchen job the kind of attention it deserves. I figure it is more important for me to focus on school right now, and make some easy money on the side at A&F, rather then be exhausted from being in the kitchen and let my grades slip. It seems like the best idea for now.

Now, for all you fans out there, PLEASE comment! Your comments keep this blog alive! Even if you don't even know me that well, or think I would be confused as to why you're reading this, I thrive on your comments. I know I've said it in the past and failed, I really am going to try to keep writing. Like I said, I want to go into journalism, so this is perfect practice, right? I'm also thinking about starting a side blog, giving reviews of restaurants that I go to and commenting on different foods and ingredients I try or work with. This could be a helpful asset to my resume while applying to schools, and it'd be a fun hobby!

Thanks for reading, all. Happy to be back, it feels good. So, like Julia Child said about cooking, I'm entering into this year in Miami with abandon. I'm abandoning the doubts I had of being down here, the fear I had of failing and not being content, and the contempt and dislike I've had for the area and my school. These have held me back from succeeding and growing, and I'm abandoning them now, for good, and moving on, pushing to change my future for the better.